Why am I here?

     Why am I here?  I don't know.  I am not talented. I have not written anything of worth, haven't published anything. I have big dreams and ideas that never come to fruition.   I have written some poetry, journaled my feelings, I want to write a song, but I can't play guitar and have no idea how to put a song together so, yeah, that one may never happen.  I am just a young mother....well somewhat young, who has many things running through her mind. Many feelings that need to be expressed.  Many fears, doubts, worries and of course, guilt.  I have moments of creativity, but I have never been one to follow through with anything.  I usually find the "hard" in just about anything and give up...or worse, never try.  My self esteem is lacking to say the least and I keep hoping that one day that might change.  I can offer advice, I can listen, I have a sense of humor that seems to get me into trouble from time to time becuase people "think" they know me or "think" they "should" know me but in the end I know they don't.  If they did, they would laugh, not wonder where I am getting the gun from.  I have gone through my life with few friends...maybe through my own fault, maybe not.  Granted I have done things I am not proud of, but haven't we all?   I deeply cherish the few friendships that I do have now and I only regret that the distance between us is so great.  To finally have true friends, and have them be miles and miles away seems so.....well....unfair!  Ah, well I guess beggers can't be choosers and I would rather have friends that lived on Pluto than none at all. 
I am just rambling here, typing whatever pops in my head.  I am new at this blog thing.  Just bare with me and maybe I will get the hang of it, and god forbid....*gulp*..follow through with it!